Some people

I was in a shop yesterday queuing to pay for just two items. But when it was my turn at the till, the old woman who was standing in the queue behind simply walked forwards as if I was invisible, and plonked her intended purchases in front of the checkout girl. “Er, excuse me,” I said, “I was before you.”

For this bold defence of my right to go first, I got the evil eye. “You could try being a gentleman,” she said. “You could try at your age learning to be a lady,” I replied. I got my way. There was never any doubt that I would.

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

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A man who chose 'Lloyds is pants' as his telephone banking password found it changed to 'no it's not' by a Lloyds TSB member of staff. His alternative proposals of 'Lloyds is rubbish', 'Barclays is better' and 'censorship' were all refused. The man is still trying to find a password acceptable to the bank, although it has apologised. Could the bank look any more pathetic right now?

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Eighteen sailors aboard a Royal Navy warship have tested positive for cocaine. All the world is said to love a sailor, but I've personally never found large nostrils (or an interest in cocaine) attractive in any man, even if he wears a lovely uniform!

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