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Here you will find poetry, opinion and prose mixed together in roughly equal measure. Add one man available from specialist suppliers only. Stick everything into a blender for five minutes. Stir gently with a wooden spoon, then pour slowly into tall glasses with crushed ice.

No cherries. No little parasols. No curly straws. Let the drink speak for itself.

Bet all those Sun, Star and Express readers are happy they did as the editors of those newspapers advised. It will be interesting to see how Britain’s tabloids respond to our Prime Minister’s latest jolly money-saving wheeze, given that the overwhelming majority of people who buy these newspapers belong to the lower class that is, once again, inevitably, under attack by this Tory-with-a-Liberal-Democrat-veneer government of, for the most part, the upper classes. Eton ahoy. Not for Cameron the idea of building more council houses, oh no. Not for him the notion that rewarding those who get off the dole, get [...]

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