Tesco unveils plan to intensively farm new customers


Tesco has announced plans to start intensively farming new customers on specially-neglected sink estates, in its long-running bid to take over the known universe and expand its customer base by any means necessary. “Tesco believes everybody should have access to cheap food, even cheap people, and morals be damned,” said a spokesperson. “To that end, we have begun a cloning program to produce a new breed of customers who never question, and avidly consume anything we throw their way.”

The sink estates will house thousands of people, with around ten adults and at least as many children living in each one-bedroom flat with no windows and no ventilation. No toilet facilities will be provided, as one way of keeping production costs down, and instead of carpets or other conventional floor coverings the mega-corporation will use sawdust to soak up the shit, piss, and tears of despair.

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Monday, June 9th, 2008

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