BT offers to ‘rip customers off some more’
As part of its ongoing drive to cut services and improve profit margins, BT has announced a new service costing just under £100. It isn’t telling anyone what that service is, but the company promises complete dissatisfaction and an inability to reach English-speaking operatives when in need of help, ‘or your money back some time before 2020′.
The new package is rumoured to include guaranteed dismal broadband speeds, 24-7 Internet monitoring–’to protect you from yourself because you know we can do as we damn well please’–and targeted advertising of sex toys and condoms to minors when visiting Barney the Dinosaur’s website because their dads have been sneakily looking at pornography on the family PC when everyone else was tucked up in bed, and weren’t aware that BT tracks every website visited through its network because it can get away with breaking the law on intercepting private communications.
“We believe,” said a spokesperson, “in providing absolutely no value for money, but we don’t believe in resting on our achievements in this regard. We are constantly looking for new ways to fleece our customers, and at the same time cut back on services so we don’t have to pay sullen blokes to drive around in vans with our logo on them. We don’t like them because they smell, and bet on horses, and we don’t think our customers really want poorly trained chavs turning up on their doorsteps to offer assistance in this day and age.”
tags: broadband speeds, BT, humour, Internet, Phorm, technology, telephony
