All news is bad news

Has anyone got any good news? It’s June, it’s pissing down with rain, we can’t rid ourselves of these pillocks in power for another two years, and the news reports haven’t been so consistently depressing and paralysing since the 1970s. Let’s glance at just a handful of prime examples of news stories to make you weep…

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

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A man who chose 'Lloyds is pants' as his telephone banking password found it changed to 'no it's not' by a Lloyds TSB member of staff. His alternative proposals of 'Lloyds is rubbish', 'Barclays is better' and 'censorship' were all refused. The man is still trying to find a password acceptable to the bank, although it has apologised. Could the bank look any more pathetic right now?

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Eighteen sailors aboard a Royal Navy warship have tested positive for cocaine. All the world is said to love a sailor, but I've personally never found large nostrils (or an interest in cocaine) attractive in any man, even if he wears a lovely uniform!

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