Okay, there was that time I had you battle King Kong’s grandson on top of the BT tower. And there was the other time I persuaded you when drunk that you had to belly dance for the King of Saudi Arabia to get a Tesco Clubcard.
Let’s not mention knock-a-door-run at the White House. How was I to know your holiday in the US would end with a tour of Guantanamo Bay? And you never did tell me if it had nice views, by the way.
Forget all those things. This time I promise you, only good things can come to you WHEN YOU BUY MY NOVEL WOOF! FROM AMAZON.
Even better, when you’ve finished reading it, if you leave a review on Amazon, this will undoubtedly rain good karma down upon you and deal with anything that’s bothering you from bunions to father-in-laws to the price of fish.