Here’s the blurb (book description) for my first novel, WOOF!, which will be sent on its digital way to Amazon within the next, ooh, half hour or so…

WOOF! is for adults who are still struggling with the notion of being all grown up now. They don’t want to forget the fun days but find themselves getting turned on by the weather being dry enough to mow the lawn on a Sunday.

Well, stop it now. WOOF! is here to save you from yourself. You can’t possibly be a mature adult while reading this book. The magic just wouldn’t work if you tried to bring on the sensible.

WOOF! features goths, gays, drag queens, drug abusers, would-be assassins seeking to kill with cinnamon, Nazi pensioners, dog sex, crazy boyfriends, thuggish nuns, Margaret Thatcher with vampire fangs, eyelash wounds in intimate places and other wildly implausible goings-on.

If you like modern humour of the kind seen in TV shows like ‘Family Guy’ in the US and ‘Mongrels’ in the UK, then you might just find WOOF! to be the funniest and most outrageous novel you’ve read in a very long time.

The story is set in Manchester – the city that spawned Shaun Ryder (Happy Mondays), Les Dawson, Bernard Manning and the Gallagher brothers – and is about people who are nothing like any of those lot.

The year is 1992. It revolves around Peter and his friends Derek, Kate, Sophia and Fatima. They’re putting on a play for the course they’re doing at the polytechnic. Only, the playwright thinks it’s quite probably the worst student play ever. And there have been some stinkers. He’s working with a chain-smoking gothic diva, a perpetual stoner, a director who likes Elaine Paige and a nymphomaniac, polyamorous self-harmer.

What could possibly go wrong?