5 true confessions… from my London past

1. I once worked as a cloakroom attendant at Heaven in London, and was treated very badly by Boy George’s then-friend, Marilyn. He was condescending and arrogant, and treated me like a slave worker. So I leaped out of the kiosk, smacked him round the head, and had him held down on the floor until he apologised. I wasn’t sacked. I was feisty back then.

2. I stole a London bus stop sign in 1987 from Islington High Street. I was 20 years old. They don’t do signs like that one any more. I’m sorry, and hope the need to replace it didn’t mean funds were diverted from the running of the Tubes as it would make me personally responsible for them being shit then (but not for them still being a bit shit today).

3. I ran around Trafalgar Square in a black BOY mini-skirt and leggings for no reason that I can remember but it was fun at the time.

4. Pop singer Jimmy Somerville tried to get into my knickers at the famous and long-since dearly departed gay pub called The Bell in Kings Cross, London. I gave him the brush-off. Four years later, at Manchester Pride, I accidentally stood on his head when he was lying drunk across the doorway of the Rembrandt pub. He didn’t notice, so I didn’t apologise.

5. I met the infamous and indeed notorious living work of art, now no longer with us sadly, the one and only Leigh Bowery. He was dressed like a Christmas pudding at the time (complete with icing) and he nodded in appreciation of my glowing praise, but said nothing. As he could have easily spat at me, I did pretty well.