08004082680 silent calls

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
A standard telephone keypad.

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Silent calls are an offence and upset to most people’s ears, including my own. They’re only punishable by fines in the UK if the number of silent calls made by a company reaches three per cent of its total call volume. 08004082680 is the latest number to be calling our home, for several days now and sometimes as often as every half hour, from 8am all the way through to mid- to late-evening.

It turns out there’s no point complaining to our phone service provider, BT, which is what the supposedly regulatory body OFCOM (in truth, as limp as a well-weathered lettuce) recommends you do in the first instance. Why? Because BT is one of a number of high-profile, big business clients of 2Touch, the offending company. It’s like finding out the Food Standards Agency to which you complain about a rancid restaurant meal is run by the chef who cooked up your dose of food poisoning.

One of the myths peddled to us ordinary folk by both the offending companies and OFCOM is that these silent calls are only occasional, and not routine. I answered the 08004082680 calls whenever they came in yesterday, a total of at least 15 incidents, only to find myself listening to the dial tone each and every time. Just what is the fucking point of calling people repeatedly, and not even having someone available to speak to them?

I called 08004082680 several times but repeatedly got the engaged tone until eventually I chanced upon an automated message telling me, more or less, ‘we’re sorry if we’ve pissed you off but we’re a fabulous organisation working for some really big companies and that should really impress you because it makes us wet with joy’ (okay, the message was actually lacking in the colourful language department, and consequently very boring, but you get the gist). I took note of the fact that the automated message gave no alternative number I could call in office hours to make an actual complaint. I just got the recorded spiel, and then the system hung up on me.

OFCOM didn’t want to ban silent calls altogether because it would mean banning the use in the UK of automated calling systems—and that’s bad news for us why, exactly? Of course we know the reality—that corporate interests win out over public well-being and happiness every single time irrespective of who’s in power. And so the phones can just keep on ringing. It’s good for Britain, you see. Never mind the old folks and the rest of us with better things to do than answer the phone to silent callers and immediate disconnects.

As 2Touch keeps making unsolicited calls to my number I think it’s only fair to spread the word that this company is irresponsible and a bloody nuisance. If you’ve been a victim of its tactics, you can complain to your phone service provider (bearing in mind it might be a 2Touch customer), OFCOM, and the company directly. Its address is 2Touch, Camberwell Way, Doxford Technology Park, Sunderland SR9 9XZ. Doing a Google search on 08004082680 will also bring up a surprising number of references as well. You can get more helpful information on fighting these soulless hounds here and you can get the full lowdown on what silent calls are by checking out this FAQ.

The thing is for me, right now, I’m a writer and I happen to be ‘in the zone’–I’m seizing the day—which means I’m working long hours sat in front of my MacBook Pro tap, tap, tapping away on a number of creative writing projects. Like a car engine in winter, I have to warm up and the flow of words increases to a peak after, say, an hour or so. On a good day I can maintain my top speed of output for several hours, even allowing for coffee and food breaks. But these calls from 2Touch cut right across my imagination. They smash into the inner worlds I immerse myself in like out-of-control coaches into shopping malls. It’s all tragedy, mayhem and bloody chaos. After which, I’m fucked. I can’t work properly with these constant interruptions. I don’t answer the phone to friends and family, I don’t even pause to send text messages. I just get on with it, for as long as I can, whenever I can. But I can’t and won’t turn into Kolchak the Night Stalker just to avoid these fucking calls from corporate cocks. So…

Hopefully you can now see why I strongly dislike these people responsible for silent/dead calls, why they get to me as much as they do. If you’re a writer yourself you will certainly understand, I have no doubt at all. I’ve yet to meet the gregarious writer who can pen an epic while chatting on the phone to mother and watching the milk on the stove. If these calls continue I’m going to have to pull the phone out of the wall socket to get my work done. It’s just plain wrong that we are pushed in this way.

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