Our 10th anniversary
It was ten years ago today—June 27 1998–that I met David in a nightclub called G.A.Y. at the London Astoria. He was 19 years old, I was 31. You never know what the future holds, but the night we met I had a feeling, and so did he, that this one was going to be a keeper…
While clearing out the garage this past week, I reacquainted myself with the contents of a briefcase in which we keep our most precious documents—not bills and receipts, but Valentine’s Day and birthday cards we’ve sent to one another down the years. Alongside all of those, a handwritten note from my beloved, dating back to the day after we met, is one of my own most treasured possessions. David’s enthusiasm and happiness at having met me shines through what he wrote, both in the words he chose and between the lines, the hope of seeing me again and taking things further. Of course he did see me again, later the same week. And again, and again, and again.
But neither of us could have predicted the events of the next ten years. Life has been, as life is wont to be, a joy sometimes and a real struggle at other times. We’ve helped and hindered each other, we’ve drawn closer together and, for a time several years ago, nearly pulled each other apart. We’ve cried with happiness and frustration, we’ve laughed and danced and lived. Through the good and the bad we’ve learned about each other and our own selves, and are now in full knowledge of our strengths and weaknesses. We’ve always loved one another, when it was easy to do so and when it was difficult.
We married in a pagan handfasting ceremony almost a year ago, but in truth our fates became entwined not through any ritual but when I was dancing and noticed this guy with a beautiful smile and, several minutes later, realised he was smiling at me, and smiled back. Within seconds of doing so, he’d leapt up over two balconies to dance next to me. We introduced ourselves, and kissing was the most natural thing to do, not forced, not awkward, just as it should be.
It was love at first sight, but I have no wish to convey a false impression that these ten years have always been effortlessly romantic. Terrible things have been done to us, by others and by ourselves. But yes, the romance and love that lies at the core of our relationship has seen us through the best of times and the worst of times. I love him and he loves me, and we pity those for whom same-sex love is something to hate, to fear, to seek to destroy—for it is love, pure and simple. Who can stand against love and not be damaged by holding onto such a nonsensical attitude?
David did catering at college, which is why he’s wearing a chef’s outfit in this photo. He was cooking dinner for some friends of ours, in our London flat back in 2003. All those years ago! Not that we look much different today, mind. Is it really five years ago? Blimey. It is! We were at the halfway point to getting here today…
To fight love, either your own feelings or those of others, is to betray everything that is natural and certainly the most brilliant and holy of all human endeavours. Any fool can pick up a gun or spear or grenade—examples of how we use our creativity to hurt others—but love requires no tools, no instruments, no money or status or power-play. It just is, although it is the hardest thing to find when trying to do so. It arrives when least expected, when it is not being sought at all. Indeed, when we actively seek it, life has a habit of bringing to us anything but the treasure we crave. Give up or let go, and it comes at exactly the right time. In that sense, love is like one of our many cats—beautiful to look at but utterly independent, running to its own timetable, never yours.
It is also one thing to find yourself in love, but quite another entirely to nurture the feeling, like a young and tender plant, until it flowers time and time again. It is in consolidating love, expanding it, that the true test of a man or woman can be found. Again, anyone can go to college and learn skills, going on to become a builder or a chemist, a soldier or a secretary—but nobody is born with the necessary skills to navigate the deep oceans of love, and those skills are not standardised. What is required of each of us is entirely individual. We have no idea how to proceed when love arrives on our doorsteps, but I can tell you one of the key factors for us, in achieving our ten years together, has been the cultivation of respect and recognition at all times that the other is not a mere reflection of one’s own ego, or a complimentary sidekick, but a person in his own right with opinions and beliefs that do not always tally with one’s own, but that’s not only okay, it’s very, very good. If you want a carbon copy of yourself, if you want a nodding dog, it isn’t love you seek but constant affirmation.
And while affirmation is an integral part of a happy union, it is not the be-all and end-all. They say opposites attract, but I don’t hold with that. It’s too simple a formula, and often proven false. There is no recipe for love, no glib condensation of its intricacies and specialities into one or two sentences. Love is magical, and full of surprises.
Only a few weeks ago, David announced he was pagan. He’d never said so before, though he’s always been respectful of my beliefs as much as my eccentricities. When I asked him exactly when he realised or decided he was pagan, he pointed to the handfasting certificate that hangs in a frame on our living room wall. We both smiled. I was happy that my husband made this statement, but key to understanding our love is the fact that, while it was very welcome, it was never sought, never pushed. But it seemed, and still seems, appropriate that his conversion, if you want to call it that (though the term suggests something quickly and spontaneously decided upon, when his beliefs, like mine, have evolved over time) came about through a celebration of our love in a sacred ritual surrounded by our dearest friends.
I want to thank the Goddess for everything love, in the form of my husband, has revealed to me these past ten years and I hope and pray for another ten, with more revelations, if She is willing to provide them. And, of course, I want to say to my beloved—and ‘beloved’ is Hebrew for David, something I only found out long after using the word to describe him—something I’ve said to him every day since this day in 1998: David, I love you.
Those three little words are the most powerful in the universe. They can literally save us all. They have certainly saved me. Happy anniversary, my darling. What a blessing you are, and may you have many blessings brought to you as a consequence of who you are and the many good things you do for me, our families, our friends, our pets and the world at large. I believe the Goddess smiles on both of us, and I trust in our feelings as well as our actions we please Her every day.
All my love, as always.
tags: anniversaries, handfasting, love, marriage, relationships, weddings
13 comments on “Our 10th anniversary”
June 27th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Congratulations to you both
June 27th, 2008 at 9:51 am
PS you should take an anniversary trip back to where you first met, very quickly - their last night at the Astoria is the end of July!
June 27th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Happy Anniversary to my wonderful friends -
“May the Goddess shine on your relationship and give you the strength you both need to get through the hills and the valleys of life in all its glory”
June 27th, 2008 at 10:48 am
You Guys! Happy Anniversary
May the Goddess Bless you always and may you continue “Heart to Heart and Hand in Hand” through all the days and nights to come, of which may there be many tens of years.
I know you’re not druids but the Druid Oath fits you two perfectly …
“The Druid Oath
We swear
By peace and love to stand
Heart to Heart and Hand in Hand
Mark O Spirit, and hear us now,
confirming this, our Sacred Vow.”
June 27th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Wow. Thanks everyone! As for a return final visit to G.A.Y, I’ll discuss with David… I knew it was closing, another slice of London consigned to history….
We did plan to go on our first anniversary, and the promoter had champagne laid on for us, but unfortunately I dislocated my hip that evening. Ahem. And that’s all I will say… x
June 27th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
A beautiful love story
CONGRATULATIONS to you both!!! Happy Anniversary 
June 27th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Congratulations, gentlemen. For two to endure as individuals, and yet be united in partnership, is a rare and beautiful thing… may the decades to come further enrich and nurture the respect, kindness, and love you’ve found together.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Best birthday present David had!
So many congratulations to you both. You are an inspiration. XX
June 27th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Happy Anniversary to you guys! This is just the start for you two because great loves go on forever!
MUCH love to you both!
June 28th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Jami, The Hermit, Sue, TLJ » Thanks again! All these lovely congratulations were a joy to read on our special day. x
June 29th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Congrats you two!!!!!!!!!
July 14th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Happy anniversary!
Though a bit late, but I am wishing you many more years of happiess, understanding and LOVE :)))
You truly are an inspiration - and let you be never-ending inspiration to each other!
I am really happy for you, guys! (:
July 14th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Oh, Ruby, that’s wonderful. Thank you so much, that’s really appreciated. And we wish you all the very best as well. x
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