MEPs want to feed pigs to chickens - so let’s do all we can to stop it happening
Members of the European Parliament recently voted against transparency, choosing not to reveal to the unwashed masses how much they all claim back in so-called expenses. The system is believed to be widely and obscenely abused, but we’ll never know. We’re asked to trust these people. But hold on! There might be a reason for this madness.
The possibility must surely be considered that all the MEPs are, in fact, suffering from Mad Cow Disease, having been infected back in the late 1980s when it was commonplace to feed livestock the pulped remains of their brothers, sisters and any other animals that would otherwise have been wastefully standing around living natural lives and were better off whisked into a fine pink broth at the abattoirs, so that they could then be forcefully fed through pipes to ensure sufficient sustenance got into the bodies of their fellow creatures in small boxes, all of which inevitably lose the will to live under such conditions.
The same response is sometimes found in people who wake up one day and realise they’ve got a mortgage for hundreds of thousands of pounds for urban shoe-boxes, in which leaning over to turn off the bedside lamp often results in tickling the next-door neighbour in ways that could result in sexual harassment charges being filed or shotgun marriages arranged.
But the MEPs are now considering bringing back that good old pink mush (actually, it’s more predominantly murky brown with maybe the occasional splash of pale pink; think sausage meat that’s on the turn). They want to start feeding chickens with animal remains again, eager to savour the sublime taste of roast bird suffused with pork that they’ve missed so much these long years of having to make do with whatever they could manage to order at top restaurants on their aforementioned expense accounts, after tallying up the loose change left over from paying for their second, third, and fourth homes, their beautiful escorts, their families for arranging paperclips, their several cars, their flights, and their Cayman Island accountants.
What? Come on, MEPs have to eat—you have to pay for it—and you can’t surely expect them to eat the same stuff you do every day. But even allowing them the necessities of foie gras and caviare, such mundane and ethically sound foodstuffs can get a bit boring and same old, same old after a while. So give them a break. You elected them. Well, okay, most of us didn’t. But what does that matter? Were you taking a leak when they announced the changes to the concept of democracy? It’s government by the privileged, for the privileged, the world over. Wake up to the global market, folks! It’s all what you wanted but never knew you did until someone better than you said so.
Two million Muslims in Britain and 25 million in Europe would be unable to eat chicken if the plans go ahead, and one imagines Jews would have a hard time as well (it’s to do with the pork, not the chicken). We can’t begin to estimate the numbers without religious convictions who would abandon chicken consumption, assuming European citizens actually get informed through clear, dare we say transparent given MEPs distaste for the word and concept, communications and labelling.
And then there are those pesky vegetarians like myself, who would find themselves joining with their even more ethically robust (if invariably a little thinner) vegan cousins in having to forego the consumption of eggs.
What this would mean for the home farmer with a few hens in the back garden is currently unknown, because we don’t know if meat-free traditional layers pellets and mash would still be allowed. If not, we can only assume that if we didn’t want to feed Nightmare Broth to our birds, then we’d have to accept significant decreases in egg production and resign ourselves to letting our ladies consume our lawns and flower beds in entirety if we didn’t want them to starve in front of our eyes.
The Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA)–renowed for its great and wise management of British land and livestock, and most famously for the highly effective ‘baby with the bathwater’ approach it takes to foot and mouth, and other diseases, which effectively results in many thousands of animals being burned if one so much as sneezes or looks at an inspector with apparently menacing intent—said it would back the move only if proper safety tests were introduced, and under no circumstances would it allow public distaste to get in the way of what might be a jolly good way of using up all the bits of animals people have become conditioned by TV chefs and supermarkets to avoid like the plague, mostly on the basis that they don’t look very nice and aren’t easy to seal under plastic for display purposes.
This is a multi-page entry: page 1 page 2
tags: activism, animal feed, animals, Archaeopteryx, chickens, DEFRA, democracy, environmentalism, EU, fast food, Food Standards Agency, FSA, KFC, livestock, Mad Cow, MEPs, MPs, pigs, poultry, protest
2 comments on “MEPs want to feed pigs to chickens - so let’s do all we can to stop it happening”
May 4th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I heard about this the other day on Farming Today whilst I was already fuming at the idiot Bee Farmer, Tony Spacey, whose allegations that Hobbyist Beekeepers were the cause of the state of the current bee population, had my blood boiling - Heard this and my head started whistling like a kettle when it reaches full steam - I may be a meat eater but I would like to know when I’m mixing poultry and pork on my plate thank you very much.
It beggars belief that they are even considering this - they say its because there is very little risk that disease may cross species - however they did the same sort of risk analysis on feeding left over sheep to cattle and look where that got us!
However in amongst all the gloom, there was a glimmer of light - They had someone from the Soil Association on who was adamant that they would not be changing the Organic certification rules which state that no animal protein may be used in Organic food for animals and of course the Smallholders Feed range that we also use is certified by the Vegetarian Society - So as long as you stick to these kinds of feeds - your chooks will be fine.
May 4th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
That’s something. Of course, if any disease does cross species barriers, it could infect all chickens and people as it evolves. It is very stupid, isn’t it? The political class, like the superclass, don’t live in the real world. They have no connection to the food chain, no sense of what life is like for most of us, and they don’t really care much other than when a camera is on them and they have to produce a soundbite to order.
And yes. Tony Spacey came across as an arrogant prick with an agenda, given that he’s a commercial beekeeper who’d love to see all smaller apiarists prevented from pursuing their interest by rule of unfair law. What next? The Bernard Matthews company gunning for all of us who keep chickens in our backyards?
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