The 2007 2nd Annual Spicy Cauldron Awards Ceremony - and the winner is…?
Welcome ladies, gentlemen, and, of course, the mysterious fairy pot-holers whose hard work behind the scenes is always appreciated. Has it really been a year since the inaugural Spicy Cauldron Awards Ceremony? Actually, it’s been a little longer than that and so, without further preamble, it’s time to announce the 2007 Cauldron King or Queen.
First off, thanks to everyone who entered. I thoroughly enjoyed checking out all the entries submitted. Same as last year, it was really tough to decide on just one winner who will walk away with a signed, fresh-off-the-press copy of my poetry collection, google sex mp3 britney+spears world+cup.
Yes. That is the title. Provocative, isn’t it? I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it before on my blog, I don’t think I have. I can also now reveal that it will be published under My True Name. That is, no pseudonym. Gasp. That’s right. Unlike in many fantasy novels, however, knowing it won’t give you any power over me. So forget about mind control, okay? The collection will have an ISBN number and be available to buy for under £10 (at current rates, that’s just under $20 for my friends across the Atlantic).
google sex mp3 britney+spears world+cup features poems about nature, paganism, sexuality, ghosts, Jesus, Father Christmas, my own father’s war-time experiences, dreams, childhood memories, human rights abuses, Glastonbury… You get the idea. It’s a real mix of topics and styles. You can check out some of my poems on this very site, of course. Some appear in the book but I can tell you if they do, they’ve been extensively remixed (as I like to call the process of redrafting).
Now. Book-plugging aside, which I will probably do ad nauseum once it’s been published, let’s get on with the entries, shall we?
Hayes is not someone I’d normally say would be scary to meet on a dark night, but come Samhain/Halloween, it’s quite a different story. He will terrify you! He clearly loves the spookier aspects of that one night a year when the veil between the living and the dead is at its most fragile, and while he didn’t win this time round I’ve got to say how much I enjoyed the sense of enthusiasm and delight that poured from his blog entry. It made it a real joy to read. He provides links to haunted houses I would love to visit myself some time and, best of all, presents us with a photo of himself that would make Passport Control stop him entering any country in the world:
Hayes, you get a badge for your site to show you make the grade when it comes to quality, fun and overall spice! I’ve yet to design this year’s award badges of honour but you will get one sent to you as soon as it’s done (which I promise will be very soon!).
Howard makes people laugh. It’s a gift from the gods, and the talented swine will whore it out to anyone who needs cheering up. You need a giggle? How many giggles do you want, huh? Huh? You want mirth? I got all the mirth you need, baby! Visiting his site is always a pleasure, but I was especially pleased to discover that he decided to enter a breakdown of the lyrics from a song by one of my all-time favourite bands, the oft-forgotten XTC.
I nearly peed myself with laughter, appropriately enough, upon reading his conclusion that the song Summer’s Cauldron from the album Skylarking is written from the perspective of an hallucinating man who is not only horny but wants to commit suicide by drowning in a piss-pot! I can’t think of worse ways to go myself, but there are clubs for people into that kind of thing. Not that I know from personal experience. Excuse me, no I really don’t. Ugh. But I know more than I’ve done, if you get my drift, having had an ex-boyfriend once upon a long time ago who got into that stuff. Thankfully, some considerably time after we split up although we still lived in the same house as each other. If it had been straightaway afterwards, I’d have had a complex for all time thinking it was something about me that had driven him into that whole scene…! But I will never forget the day he left a bag in the hallway of the house we still shared together. Silly me, thinking it was shopping to be put away. Instead it contained clothes. Clothes he’d changed out of when leaving a club. Double ugh. The experience of trying to do him a good turn still gives me occasional flashbacks of horror.
Ahem. Howard gets a badge for the second year in a row because he deserves one for the second year in a row. Even though he’s the cause of probably the most vile story I’ve ever passed onto the world here at The Spicy Cauldron. He’s the cause of many things, the reprobate!
Shall we move onto sweeter topics? Okay. I’m, er, relieved to do so…
WAKELA RUNEN WRITES FAIRY OPUS
Wakela Runen aka Norma only recently discovered The Spicy Cauldron, and I was very pleased not only to have a new reader make herself known in the comment sections here but also submitting what turned out to be a delightful short story. I loved the referential nod to The Wizard of Oz in the title she chose, Faeries, Witches, and Cauldrons… Oh My! but then, as a friend of Dorothy myself, that’s no surprise. The story is one of those rare shorts that manages to get across a lot of good stuff in a relatively small amount of prose and does so in a way that is endearing and memorable. I love it, and deciding between this and the winning entry—coming up next!–was hellish, I tell you. Hellish.
Norma, you too will get a badge of honour for your fantastic tale of how perseverance pays off for a witch trying out recipe after recipe in her cauldron to find a means of opening up the world of the fairies to her sight! Drop me a line with your email address so I can despatch the badge to you when it’s ready! Oh, and I think you should submit your story to a children’s short story publisher. While it has appeal to adults, I think it will have huge appeal to young kids as well. Great pagan-friendly short fiction for the young isn’t that easy to locate.
And now. The moment you’ve all been waiting for. Drums, please, fairy pot-holers!
[CUE DRUM-ROLL]
The winner of the 2007 2nd Annual Spicy Cauldron Awards, the person who walks away not only with a badge of honour but also over 100 pages of newly-minted hardbacked poetry goodness, is…
[PAUSES TO OPEN ENVELOPE]
SHORT AND SWEET AND BEAUTIFULLY COMPLETE
…Jami Ward, with her fabulous haiku!
Pot Calls Cauldron Black is a wonderful example of the form, ties in perfectly with the theme of this year’s awards and proves that you don’t have to write reams to produce something of great merit for others to enjoy. Well done, Jami. My review of Jami’s entry, of course, is far longer than the haiku itself (kind of obvious, really). For those who don’t know what a haiku is exactly, check out the linked word which will take you to a definition. They aren’t the easiest form of verse to write, precisely because of the need to be rigidly concise in how you present your chosen topic. Jami does a magnificent job. Well done again. A round of applause if you please, people!
[CUE APPLAUSE FOR ALL THE FOLKS MENTIONED ABOVE]
Jami, please submit your acceptance speech in the comment section below and your badge (and book) will be winging their way to you as soon as possible. You’ll need to drop me a line with the postal address you’d like me to send the poems to, and I hope you’ll be willing to review the collection on your site when you’ve received it and had the chance to browse.
That’s it for another year, folks. Join us again roughly around the same time in 2008 for the 3rd Annual Spicy Cauldron Awards. Until then, take care and love, peace and blessings to you all!
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