The claim that a majority of Britons want to keep foreigners out, especially from Romania and Bulgaria, has now led to all the I’m-not-racist-but parents having to sort out presents for their kids without Santa’s help later this month.
In a press release St Nikolas said, “If those stinking hypocrites think I’m going to endure interrogation upon arrival, being slandered as a job-stealing benefit cheat and a venomous bitching from Theresa May, they can fuck off. I’m taking my sleigh only where I’m really welcome.”
Rumour has it Nigel Farage has offered to climb down a few chimneys after he’s finished his pint of bitter, smoked a cigar and counted his money.
There will, regardless, be a toy shortage because the British make fuck all of anything these days, and most toys are now produced in China, India and the rest of the EU.
Another spokesman for UKIP said, “We want a return to a traditional English, white Christmas. That means no more Yankee turkey—it’s goose from now on—and plenty of poor kids selling matchsticks in the snow.”